The History of Us
by LonelyWriter42
Summary: Hange had never participated in the debauchery that was a party thrown by the survivors from the latest expedition, but she had to forget and what better way than to get drunk? Rated T for gratuitous amounts of alcohol.


The History of Us

Author: LonelyWriter

Summary: Hange had never participated in the debauchery that was a party after the survivors from the latest expedition but she _had_ to forget and what better way than to get drunk?

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin.

.

Hange had never participated in the debauchery that was a party after the survivors from the latest expedition were well enough to drink themselves into oblivion. However this time was different. This time she had lost everyone but Moblit. She had to get the grief out; she _had_ to forget and what better way than to get drunk?

Most people called her callow and brash and she was okay with that because it meant they never saw the darkness that lurked just beneath the surface. She eyed the drink that Mike had pressed into her palm when he saw her walk through the door. It was a pleasant amber color and burned as it went down. The glass was almost empty now and she considered putting it down on the table and walking away. She would go back to her research and drown her sorrows in her endless notes. She was about to do just that when something caught her eye. Well, _someone_. She recognized the dark hair and slight build instantly. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she needed to retreat but the way his shoulders were set made something click in her brain and she had to talk to him.

Fortunately Mike was nearby and had a fresh bottle in his hands. She swiped it as she walked past and to his credit Mike didn't react. She took a swing from the bottle, relishing the burning in her throat. It told her that she was alive. She made her way over to the figure, her feet becoming unsteady with every step and swig. Finally she managed to sit down next to the huddled form.

"Here," she poured out the precious liquid into her cup and forced it into his hands. "Drink."

Dull grey eyes met her chocolate ones. "No."

She cocked her head to the side as she took another swig. "Yes."

His eyes narrowed, which seemed to her impossible since his eyes were already so narrow. How did he manage it? She needed to know so she scooted closer.

"What do you need, Shitty-Glasses?" She considered his statement as she felt the alcohol finally taking affect. Her head felt so light and her inquisitive nature had been doubled by the liquid courage.

"Why are you sitting here all by yourself like a vengeful pisspot?" She shot back as she swirled the liquid in her bottle. Half empty. Another swig was taken and a belch escaped. She nudged his knee with the bottle. "Join in. Debauchery is never fun if there are sober people about."

His tired eyes studied her as he contemplated her statement. "I don't drink."

"Wrong answer," she shoved her bottle into his mouth and she saw him swallow several gulps in surprise. "There. Now you can finish your glass."

He raised his hand to his mouth and delicately wiped away the trail of saliva that had escaped his mouth when she pulled the bottle away. He blinked several times before he finally raised the glass to his lips. Surprisingly for someone who claimed not to drink he downed the glass in one go.

"Is there more?" He finally asked.

"You bet'cha!" Hange giggled as she stood and chose a random underling who was already drunk under the table. He wouldn't need the freshly open bottle anyway. "More," she poured a generous amount into his glass before taking a long draft.

They drank in silence and ended up having eleven bottles between them; five bottles of vine, two of some hard liquor whose name Hange couldn't remember, and four of top quality beer of which they were still nursing as everyone either dropped where they were or wandered away to bed. She had to congratulate herself; she had managed to not buy a single bottle of alcohol. Suddenly that thought was too funny to not share.

"Imma goddess," she exclaimed, waving her hands around but still conscious enough not to spill the precious liquor. He quirked an eyebrow but didn't respond. "A _goddess_," she leaned closer to him, their noses just touching. "I didn't pay for any of this," she made a sweeping gesture to the bottles between them. "A goddess."

He finally nodded sagely and finished off his bottle. He eyed the one she was holding and she gave him a twisted grin. "Wants it? You gots to ask noicely," she knew her speech was slurred and the next step would be the end of the night with her stumbling back to her bunk and probably crashing into a wall or two or three. Probably more. "Priss. Payyyy. Now." She gestured to the bottle then to her lips. He blinked several times before his hand shot out and grabbed the back of her neck. She let out a surprised squeak; she hadn't actually _expected_ him to give her a kiss. His lips met hers in the most demanding kiss she had ever experienced. She found herself wondering if she had been kissing all wrong up until this point because this kiss was unlike anything she had felt and probably ever would again. Finally after a brief but intense battle for dominance with their tongues he released her and she happily gave him the last of her alcohol. He downed the bottle and stood.

"No," she moaned as he tried to pull her to her feet. "Need num-nums. Num-num. Now. Num-num. Food num-num."

He blinked his blank eyes then she found herself making the journey to the kitchen wrapped around him to find them some food. It seemed so much easier to travel with four feet rather than two; she filed that away for future reference. They managed to find yesterday's boiled chicken and she happily ate several hunks as he nibbled on the hard bread shaped rocks served with every meal. After she had finished off the pot he pulled her to her feet again.

Stairs were sometimes hard for her to travel when sober so walking up them became torture while drunk. To his credit her companion didn't complain when she tripped for the fifth time or when she insisted she needed to take a detour to the bathroom to take a dump. She should have been surprised that he even knew where her room was but the alcohol haze had finally disappeared and a bone-crushing tiredness came over her.

Her bed was heaven and she snuggled deep under the covers. Her hand shot out and grabbed his when he turned to leave. He raised an eyebrow and she gave him her sweetest grin which came out looking like she wanted to murder him since she was so tired her facial muscles were protesting their existence. "Tank oo, fiend newwww," she slurred.

He blinked. "Sleep well."

"Will Leui you," she sighed as unconsciousness took her.

.

Death probably felt better than she did at the moment she was jarred awake by the unfortunately hated junior officer whose only job was to blast his horn at the approved hours of sunrise, noon, and sunset. She normally laughed at the people who said they hated him, but normally she wasn't the one with the hangover. She rolled over and buried her face on her pillows, trying to coax sleep to cover her in its warm embrace again but after ten minutes she knew it was useless. Her short and very opinionated roommate-chosen at random in a system which Hange swore was the most messed up tally ever-was already dressed and pulling on her boots.

Maria shot her a dirty look before she pulled on her jacket and stomped out the door, loud enough to wake the dead and agitate Hange's already pounding head. If she hadn't already had two notes on her file about fights with her roommates Hange might have filed another but she was a ranking officer now, not a foot soldier anymore. And that meant she had to be at morning drills in five minutes whether she wanted to or not.

She managed to pull on her harnesses and boots in record time since she had fallen into bed wearing her customary white pants and yellow shirt. She grabbed her jacket and a length of yarn before navigating her way to the training fields. The route was hardwired into her brain but the trip this morning had to be the most antagonizing she had ever traveled. Each step reverberated through her skull. Every noise around her was like a needle through her eye socket.

At least Mike seemed to be in the same situation as her when she finally pulled herself into line with the other officers and she hardly even cared when Commander Rathburn gave her a scathing look. All she wanted to do was go back to bed.

She didn't participate in the drills and ranking officers rarely did anyway much to her relief. All she had to do was stand there and look like she was interested in the drills. Only a half hour more of the torture and she would be allowed to return to her bed and maybe have her wish for death come true.

She was still agonizing over the loud noises, and discreetly trying to make loud noises in Mike's direction, when she noticed him. Him, from last night. She knew his name of course; everyone knew the name of the street rat Erwin had brought to the Scouts like a special project. Levi, no last name known, was a genius. It was as simple as that. His mastery of the 3D gear was unparalleled and some even said that he was born to wield it to its full potential. Maybe beyond.

The mission that had claimed the lives of her men had been his first. She could tell by the swoop of his shoulders and his dead eyes the night before. He was rumored to have come to the Scouts from the Sina underground. While he did have the aloof personality that one would expect from a criminal, there was something much deeper to this young man. She wanted to walk over to him and ask him about his head. But he was on the lowest rung of the Scouts, and she didn't have the icy heart many older soldiers had to be able to make fun of him in front of everyone.

Finally drills were over and she could escape to the most brilliant invention ever made: her bed. She was about to walk away when she caught his gaze and for some reason she found herself gesturing for him to follow her. He gave her his blank look but followed her inside the castle complex. She led him down a corridor that was rarely used by anyone other than her and now Moblit since the rest of her team was dead. That gave her pause and she stopped abruptly.

"What do you want?" Levi asked in a tired yet bored voice.

She glanced over at him before motioning he should follow her down the hallway. He shook his head but followed her anyway and soon they were in her sparse lab. She forced a grin onto her face. "Sit," her voice was scratchy and it hurt on a deeply fundamental level to admit that she was about to have a breakfast of vine. She found the bottle she had hidden away if ever she had a night of debauchery like the previous. She also grabbed a chipped cup that she had to clean the dust from before she set them both down on the table.

"I'm breaking one of my cardinal rules," she said as she poured him some vine. "No drinking before 10 at night. Only I think we both need this," she sighed as she sloshed the liquid around in the bottle before taking a hearty swallow.

He blinked once before taking the glass and downing it. She let her lips twist upward in a pathetic mockery of a grin. She poured him another glassful and they both nursed their drinks in silence. She discovered that three new spiders must have taken up residence in the lab since the latest expedition as Alicia had hated spiders and was forever knocking down cobwebs. Hange quickly took another swallow of alcohol to convince herself that the tears in her eyes were from the stink of the harsh liquid rolling down her throat.

"Who did you lose?" His question, whispered into the stillness seemed to hang over them.

She tiredly closed her eyes and sighed. "Alicia Müller, Adelbart Weller, Wilhelm Schlechburg, and Loren Martin. My team. They were counting on me and I let them down. I let them die."

His hand shot across the table and gripped hers. "Don't blame yourself. You'll drown in your grief. It will become a vicious cycle that you cannot extract yourself from."

She gave a tired laugh. "Are you speaking from experience?"

A flash of pain crossed his face and she suddenly felt like an ass for saying such a thing so offhandedly. "Yes," he said when she opened her mouth to apologize. She sat back in her chair and let out a deep sigh.

"Everyone in the Scouting Legion is messed up. It's something you get used to. Though some of us are more messed up than others," she murmured as she studied the way the liquid in her bottle swirled around. "Survivor's guilt is what it is usually labeled as. I call it irresponsible on the doctor's part. For some people it is more than just survivor's guilt. Their personalities are permanently altered."

"Are you speaking from experience?" It was his turn to ask the question and he did so with a raised brow.

"Yes," she whispered as she threw her head back and downed the rest of the bottle.

He blinked lazily several times before he nodded. "Was she scary?"

Hange bit her lower lip as she set the bottle down on the worn tabletop. "Yes."

He frowned slightly before shaking his head. "You don't have to tell me."

Her fingers traced over the grain of the wood making up her table, her mind trying to find a way to explain to him how she had changed without making him think she was entirely crazy. Just when she thought she had the answer he spoke.

"It's too early for this shit," he said, startling her with his sudden crude language. "I'm going to go take a shower and hopefully now the pounding in my head will have been alleviated thanks to a fresh influx of alcohol. Think about it and you can tell me when you are ready. You should probably take a shower too. You look and smell like horseshit."

An involuntary chuckle escaped her lips. "You are the crudest midget I've ever met."

His eyebrow twitched but wisely he allowed the comment to slide away into nothingness. "Whatever, Shitty-glasses."

She let out another small laugh. "I'll tell you eventually. It's your job now to stay alive."

He cocked his head to the side and scrutinized her in such a way that she suddenly felt uncomfortable. "I'll stay alive so you can tell me."

She swallowed hard and nodded, pretending to busy herself with collecting the bottle and glass so she didn't have to meet his suddenly intense gaze. "Go take your shower. You smell like shit, too."

She glanced up in time to see a small smile grace his lips before he turned and disappeared out the doorway. "Ah," she laughed as she pushed her bangs out of her face. "Erwin has sure found an interesting one this time."

.

"Tell me about him."

Erwin turned and looked at her from where he was collecting a book off the library's shelf. "I could make up several answers about how I do _not_ know what you are talking about, Hange, but they would all be lies, wouldn't they?"

Hange shrugged. "If you want to have a battle of wits I'm more than willing to challenge you."

The corners of Erwin's mouth twitched upward but impressively he managed to maintain his indifferent expression, and if Hange didn't know him like she did, she knew she never would have seen that small smile grace his lips. She let out a chuckle as she slid closer. Their chests were just barely touching when she stopped and she tilted her head so she could look into his intense cornflower eyes.

"So are you going to do this the easy way or the hard way," she said, lowering her lashes demurely as she placed her hand over his heart.

"I don't think I could hide anything from you, _Zoë_," he whispered in her ear as he pulled away. "But I do not think this is the right place to be doing this."

Her face twisted into a pout. "Spoilsport."

A genuine smile came to his lips. "Only for you do I wear this face."

She blinked several times and chewed on her lower lip before walking over to the library door and pushing it shut. It didn't have a lock on it but she pushed a chair up against it knowing it would detour people from entering at least for a while. She turned back to look at him with her arms akimbo.

"What is your plan for him?"

Erwin considered her words as he sat down at the table. He carefully opened his book and started skimming the information. Hange knew better than to press him when he was mulling over an answer. She pulled out another chair across from him and cupped her chin in her hand. At times like these she almost regretted that he never seemed interested in forming any sort of deep, lasting relationship with anyone. Sure he had friends and she knew he counted her and Mike as close friends but no one ever saw the real Erwin Smith and that made her sad. Once upon a time she had tried to crack the tough shell that surrounded his heart and had even gotten a chip out before he closed up tighter than before. Now everything he did was so veiled she never knew what his real state of mind was anymore. That was the curse of the military. It took warm, genuine people and slowly turned them to ice.

"You've seen him with his 3D gear. He's the best at it I've ever seen."

Hange puffed out her cheeks as she contemplated Erwin's words. "So? Mike's kill record is the highest that any soldier has ever accomplished. I have the highest assist record of any soldier. There has to be something really special about him to make you of all people interested in him."

Erwin carefully turned the page in his book and continued reading. Hange shot him a disgruntled look before she leaned back in her chair and spread out.

"Sometimes being the best isn't worth it, Erwin."

He looked up at that, a small crease in his brows. So he was listening to her. On a fundamental level she knew he always listened to her and Mike but sometimes having the confirmation was nice.

"What would you have us do? We can't give the people hope then take it away from them."

Hange blew a raspberry at him. "Give him to me, at least until he's used to being a Scout. Even Mike can show enough emotion to keep him sane. Don't let him see your darkness, at least not yet."

Erwin's intense gaze met hers and she swallowed hard. She wasn't used to being on this side of Erwin's glare but she held her ground. There was something about this young man that pulled her to him. Clearly the same thing had happened to Erwin if he had actually cared enough to rescue a street rat.

"He's special, Hange."

"Everyone is special," she shot back.

"That's just code to say no one is special," Erwin broke off their staring contest and shook his head. "He has a pull to him. He's crude and rude and standoffish but you cannot help but falling under his spell. He has the ability to switch off his emotions at will yet he never abandons them. Even though he goes about it in a rough manor he is always trying to make sure that those around him are all right. You've spent time with him. You would know this better than most."

"Which is why I don't want him spending all of his time with you," she said lightly as she studied her fingernails. She couldn't look him in his eyes because she knew she would see a flash of pain in them. She hated reminding him of what he had been forced to become.

"How long have we known each other, Hange?" Erwin sighed as he snapped his book closed.

She bit her lip before replying, "Ten years. Almost eleven. Mike's been here eight."

"Have I really become that cruel?"

Hange winced. "You used to have such wide-eyed optimism. It was almost sickening. Then it was gone. You aren't cruel, you've just adapted to living in this world and being a soldier. Everyone has to give up their innocence eventually."

Erwin pressed his lips together then abruptly he stood, going to the bookshelf and replacing the book. "Help him get over the heartbreak gently, Hange."

Hange studied Erwin's back. His shoulders were tense and his hand was shaking at his side where he was clenching his fist so tightly she wondered if he would draw blood. "Only," she said slowly, "If you allow someone to help you deal with _your_ heartbreak."

Erwin glanced over his shoulder at her and gave her a tight smile. "That's what I have you for."

Hange pressed her lips together and nodded. "I know."

"Rathburn is retiring soon. I have been chosen to be his replacement."

Erwin's words echoed in the wide room, almost as if he was trying to figure out if they were true or not. Hange's shoulders slumped.

"Do you want the burden, Erwin?" She whispered.

"I don't have a choice," he said softly, pressing his palm to his forehead. "Rathburn will retire to Sina and live out the rest of his life with vine and women all around him. He can grow fat and eat all the meat he wants. Maybe one day I want that, too."

Hange's eyes drifted over to the windows on the far side of the room. She noticed a fly buzzing at the window, trying to escape, trying to regain its freedom. Just like Erwin.

"We're soldiers," Erwin's voice was taunt, pulling her back from observing the fly. "We do what we have to do to survive. That's why I brought Levi here. Despite the hellhole he was living in he managed to make the best of it and thrived. Maybe I wanted him to show me how to live, too."

Erwin walked over to the door and gently removed the chair before throwing one last comment over his shoulder, "I expect you to help him not break like I did, Hange. There are already enough broken soldiers in the Scouts."

.

Hange dropped her tray down next to him. She got quite a few startled looks from those around her but she didn't care how odd it was. And it was odd for a ranking officer like her to sit among the common foot, soldiers but Levi had to sit with them so she would, too.

He gave her a sideways glance as she sat down but didn't speak. Which she knew either meant he didn't want to comment on her strange behavior because he was disciplined enough. Or he didn't want too because he was embarrassed. She found herself trying to imagine what he was thinking, but she didn't know him well enough yet to be able to gauge his moods.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" She grinned at him before she took a large bite of bread. He blinked at her once before turning back to his own meal. One of the other people at the table gave a nervous laugh and she glanced at her. The girl quickly ducked her head. Hange took a drink of water to wash down the hard bread before turning back to Levi. "We have training together today. I want to see how fast you can get through the holy terror obstacle course that Erwin devised when he was made Heichou." She leaned closer and said, "I want to know how you tick."

She saw a spark of something in his eye but he covered it so quickly she could almost believe she imagined it. "I'll do whatever obstacle course you want me to do. Erwin already told me you would be babysitting me."

Someone at the table let out a gasp at how casually he used Erwin's name and Hange knew Levi was not endearing himself to anyone with his insults to the ranking system. She let his comment slide by though because she was suddenly feeling giddy. "I think babysitting is too strong a word," she said then shrugged, "you are short, but not _that_ short."

Interestingly his eyebrow twitched at her comment but he didn't respond to her. So he _was_ self-conscious about his height but he had enough restraint not to call her out about it.

Fascinating.

She grinned. "I look forward to working with you," she held out her hand and after several long seconds he finally shook it despite how grimy it was.

"I'm not sure it will be my pleasure though," he muttered.

.

He really was the best.

No matter what she threw at him he managed to complete the task without any problem. Even when she showed him the various forms that had to be filled out periodically he didn't seem to have any trouble reading them. That made her wonder about his life in Sina's under city. Were orphans routinely taught to read or was he special? When she asked him who taught him he gave her his customary blank stare before he softly replied, "My mother."

His grandparents must have been highborn for them to teach a daughter how to read. When she pushed, however, he wouldn't tell her anymore about his family, no matter how hard she pressed. "It's a story best left unspoken," he had replied to each and every one of her questions until she finally she gave up. If he wanted her to know, he would tell her on his own time.

She flipped through another page of paper she had clipped together and made another note. The hourglass sitting next to her told her that he had managed to get through the obstacles in less than twenty minutes. She shook her head at that. She had never seen someone as good as him. Not Mike, not herself, and not even Erwin could do the things that Levi seemingly did naturally.

She had been working with him for over a month now and every day she woke wondering what task he would excel at today. It was painfully evident that he had received an education as a child. Despite his use of underground language he _could_ understand protocol and the strict military system he had found himself in.

He landed beside her as she continued to contemplate how contradictory Erwin's pet was.

"You have a disgusting look on your face."

She grinned. "So do you." He snorted and her grin widened. He had learned early on that he could insult her as much as he wanted and all she would do was grin manically. He was such a strange little creature, and she couldn't help but like him. It was that pull to him that Erwin had spoken of. However, not everyone could feel it. Mike had said he didn't think that the runt was anything special even with his clear talent. Talent meant nothing when facing a Titan. Only pure dumb luck got you through a mission beyond the wall. Even Nanaba, one of Mike's team members, said Levi gave off a chilling vibe and there had been various other complaints from Scouts that they found him crude and creepy.

She pushed those complaints away though. Clearly they couldn't see beyond Levi's tough protective shell.

"That was a good run," she commented as she gathered up her papers. "Under twenty minutes."

He scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Her praise meant nothing to him anymore because she was always praising this or that he had done. She shrugged and stood up so she could reset her experiment. She got as close as she could to him.

"Maybe you could do it even faster," she whispered in his ear, wanting to see his reaction.

He turned his ice-cold gaze to hers and she felt a jolt go down her spine. "Most women do not get excited when a man finishes so quickly."

She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks and quickly turned away. "Yes, well then," she waved her hands wildly. "I'll reset the course."

She walked away from him all the while trying to get her rebellious heart to stop its ridiculous fluttering. Who was she kidding? She glanced over at him and sighed. Just what she didn't need right now; a crush. She scrunched up her nose and set her jaw. She was a full-grown woman. She didn't get crushes. She set her shoulders and walked away from him, all the while aware of his gaze trying to penetrate her jacket. She wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing how his words had affected her though.

She was still slightly embarrassed about her realization when a junior officer came running toward them, a crazed look in his eyes. She paused in her task of resetting the faux Titans and turned toward him.

"Wall Maria has been breached! The Scouts need to get to Shiganshina as fast as possible!"

.

Hange stood next to Levi and watched as the last of the refugees made it into Wall Rose. The Scouting Legion had been assigned as the rear guard for the civilians as they made their way into Rose while the Garrison acted as escorts. The Scouts had faced heavy loses and Hange was numb. It felt as if her soul had been ripped out.

Everyone who had been sent out on the mission to reclaim Wall Maria was either dead or injured. She was nursing a rolled ankle and Levi had a deep gash on his arm they had fought valiantly to make sure did not get infected. So far they were winning.

She blinked back sudden tears. She didn't think she could cry again after all she had been through; clearly she was wrong. The small number of people shuffling back inside the gate to Trost would never be okay to her. Only about two hundred were returning. The lucky ones had died.

Mike and Erwin were somewhere behind them, making sure no Titans appeared while the civilians retreated, and Hange was grateful that they hadn't died. She didn't know what she would do without them. Her gaze swept over the caravan disappearing inside the gate and she sighed. How would she ever return to normal now that she had seen Hell itself?

She looked over at Levi and knew the first thing she needed was to forget the last six months of her life and if she had to rely on alcohol so be it. She knew he would need the same release and she was mentally tallying how much they would need when he touched her arm.

"We can go," he said softly, motioning to where Erwin was directing the surviving members of the Scouting Legion to enter Rose.

"Levi," she muttered, grabbing his elbow. "Find me in my lab later."

He frowned at her and after six months of fighting not to die together she had gotten quite good at reading his expressions. Or so she told herself. "Why?"

"Just do it," she replied, not looking at him as she shot out a grappling hook and flew off the roof.

Once she was back in Trost she found the nearest brewery and went about buying as much alcohol her measly budget could afford. She left the shop with five bottles of vine and three of unknown heavy liquor that would guarantee that she would not remember the six months of hell she had been through for several days.

She made her way back to the barracks, wanting a bath. She knew it would surprise most members of the Scouts that she was concerned with personal hygiene it was just her brain usually was more interested in her experiments. But she never went more than three days without bathing, even if it was a quick sponge bath and soap lathered into her hair that she never seemed able to get the grease out of.

When she got to her room she stripped as quickly as one could while disconnecting the 3D maneuver gear (which wasn't very fast). When she stood in her underwear and chest bindings she pulled out a bottle of vine, knowing she would need it if she wanted to pretend the tears threating to fall were from the bitter taste of alcohol. The cheap vine burned as it went down her throat. But she loved it. It made her feel alive. And that's all she wanted to feel.

Her room looked exactly the same as it had when she left six months before, papers stacked in the corner, books here and there on the floor. She was surprised someone hadn't tried to clean her room in preparation for her death and its new occupant. She clenched her hand into a fist and quickly downed the rest of her alcohol and threw the bottle into the corner. She had survived and she wasn't going to let anyone bring her down again.

.

Her lab was a mess. All of her plant clippings were dead and her collection of bugs had either multiplied so fast they had starved to death, or had been eaten by several spiders. Hange bit her lip as she looked at all the months of work and brainpower that was now useless. She didn't let herself cry though. Crying was for the weak and she was anything but. It didn't make it hurt less though.

She scowled and opened her second bottle of alcohol, finishing it in large gulps before setting to work on getting everything cleaned up. The spiders were scared back into their corners and the cobwebs cleaned up with surprising efficiency. She was in the middle of trying to untangle the vines she had been cultivating that had become entangled with her bookshelf when Levi appeared. He had blinked once before taking up a broom and becoming a dust devil.

She was almost amused by his manic cleaning energy. She paused in saving dried leaves as samples to watch him. Everything he did was with practiced ease, almost like a dance of which only he heard the music. She kept watching him out of the corner of her eye as she wrote down what leaf sample was which and carefully placed them into a box. She was about ready to tackle putting the bookshelf back in order when she realized he was standing right next to her.

"What?" she growled, moving back several steps. That put her within reach of her newly opened liquor and she took advantage of the bottle as a way to distract her from his hard gaze.

"You are the one who told me to come here."

His voice was the same calm and collected one he used on everyone but she could hear the twinge of weary bitterness beneath it.

"Part of surviving is forgetting," she shrugged, offering him the bottle.

"I do not think humanity will be well served by drunken soldiers," he said dryly as he pushed her hand away.

"I do not think humanity will be well served by soldiers who can't do their job because of the memories of their comrades being _eaten_."

He blinked once before he focused his gaze on the bottle she still held aloft. She could tell he continued to struggle against himself as his hand slowing covered hers and pulled the bottle to him. "You will help me forget?"

His voice was soft and broken. It pierced Hange's heart like an arrow. "I'll try my hardest."

She watched in awe as his mask crumbled and a tired and defeated Levi stared back at her. "This isn't going to get us very far," he commented before he drank the rest of the vine.

"I have more," she whispered as she wrapped him in a hug.

She hadn't expected anything to come from inviting him to her lab; she just wanted someone _alive_ around her. So when they had drank half the liquor she was surprised that his hands started wandering over her body. She wasn't going to deny him though. After nearly dying so many times she wanted human contact.

His hands managed to snake under her shirt and she rolled her head to the side so he could have better access to the patch of skin just behind her ear that his lips were so intently caressing. She let him explore all exposed skin for several minutes while her hands came to rest on his hips. Finally the teasing was too much for her and she slid her hands up his body so she could cup his cheeks and guide his glorious mouth to hers.

His lips were soft and knew exactly what they were doing. She grabbed fistfuls of hair and let him take control of the kiss and soon she had forgotten the horrors she had lived through. Soon she had forgotten even her name. His fingers dug into the soft skin of her hips and pulled her pelvis against his. Surprisingly they fit well together despite the ten-centimeter difference in their heights.

She didn't know when they started gravitating to the table but she let out a squeak when her thighs hit the tabletop. She swallowed hard and stared into the man's ice blue eyes. He seemed to be devouring her. She suddenly felt slightly uncomfortable. He wasn't staring at her, she realized, he was staring through her.

She only had seconds to contemplate what that meant before his lips were attacking hers again. His hands were back on her hips, allowing the friction to build between them. Finally it reached the point that she had to decide if she wanted to continue and potentially damage their relationship irrevocably or stop him and leave them both sexually frustrated.

Slowly she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him away. He stared at her with heavy lidded eyes and she knew that he was questioning why she had broken it off.

"Need more vine," she croaked, suddenly aware that her throat was dry and her body felt like it had just run Erwin's crazy obstacle course.

He blinked at her several times before he finally nodded. "Vine is good."

She quickly went over to where she had stashed the extra bottles, not only to retrieve them, but to also hide the dark blush that was coloring her face. She had everything she had been dreaming about since that first night and she couldn't go through with it. He must think she was a chicken, offering him everything only to take it back.

She glanced over her shoulder at him and saw that he had taken a seat at her worktable and was drumming out a tune with his fingers that only he knew. Hange took a deep breath and opened the last two bottles of vine. She plastered a fake smile on her face before she turned back to him.

"Just what the doctor ordered," she said softly as she handed him a bottle.

He studied her face with a frown, making her uncomfortable. Finally his scrutiny was over and he threw back his head and chugged the bottle of vine. She watched the liquid disappear and wondered about the burn in his throat when he spoke.

"Do you have anymore?"

She looked at the bottle in her hand before setting it down in front of him. He took it and quickly drained half the bottle. "I should go," he whispered, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You don't have to," Hange hedged, her fingers playing with the back of the chair across from him.

"I think it would be better for both of us if I left," he said. She met his gaze and saw that his eyes were the clearest she had ever seen them. Her lips twitched upward into a fake smile.

"I could walk you back to your room," she offered.

His eyes narrowed. "I think that we need to think about what happened and consider the possibilities as we go forward."

She nodded, pretending to agree all the while knowing that she was being rejected. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

He studied her face and held her gaze longer than she felt comfortable with but she refused to back down. Finally he nodded back at her and stood, his shoulders stiff as he retreated.

As soon as he was gone she let out a gasp and then a sob before clamping her hands over her mouth to stop the noise from escaping. What the hell had she just done and what was she going to do now? The question played over and over in her mind until she hissed, "Stop it," into the empty lab. She walked around the table determinedly and took the half empty bottle back into her hand. She didn't care if she had a drinking buddy anymore. She could get shitfaced all on her own.

.

Hange had spent the night in her lab.

It was not the best choice she had ever made but recently she doubted her own wisdom in her choices. What had possessed her to kiss him like that? Their relationship had been uneasy and not even of real friendship but of slightly apprehensive acquaintances.

And she had blown it. Big time.

The first part of the night had been her drowning her sorrows in a bottle of hard liquor that destroyed the lining of her esophagus as she took large gulps. After it was gone she turned her focus to cleaning the lab that had been neglected out of necessity for more than half a year.

All specimens had either been released or allowed to wither and die, as was the case of her plant clippings. Even the hearty bush with the prickles all over it that never seemed to need water was brown and shriveled. She resorted the garbage from when Levi was helping her and realized that he seemed to have a better sense about what needed to be disposed of than she did.

She didn't know when the tears had started but she only allowed herself ten minutes of self-pity. Soldiers rarely were able to make lasting personal connections to other humans anyway and female soldiers had the added stigma of pregnancy. Children were to be born to civilians. Not female soldiers.

After her pity party she had set to cleaning with a single-minded determination that allowed her to forget everything except putting her lab in order. She knew Moblit would show up in the morning, silently ready to offer her any support she needed despite his concussion and confusion. She was grateful he survived. But she also knew he harbored feelings for her that she would never let him act on, no matter how transparent his crush became. She was a soldier and after her rude awakening by Levi some hours ago she realized she would live and die without ever knowing what it was like to be in love and have a family.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn't shake the memories of his lips on hers and his long fingers biting into the skin covering her hips. But as long as she never acted on those memories ever again maybe she would be able to accept her lot in life. Hopefully.

She had managed to clean and dispose of everything by the first rays of light peeking through her one window, high above the doorway that pointed east. She was rearranging the books on her shelves when she heard the faint scrape of boots on the stone floor. Usually Moblit hated getting up in the mornings but perhaps he was haunted by nightmares the same way everyone else was and wouldn't sleep anymore. "Another added to the ranks of insomnia," she said wryly.

But as the footsteps got closer she knew it wasn't Moblit. These steps were too light, too refined, to be Moblit who stomped everywhere. With a sickening feeling she knew whom they belonged to and she cast about, looking for somewhere to hide. Her two options were her supply cabinet that had shelves sticking out so far the door barely closed around them or under her table. Neither option was appetizing so she opted to look like she was organizing her supplies so she didn't have to look him in the face as he entered the room.

He was like a specter, entering with barely a sound but she could feel her cheeks heating up at the mere thought of being this close to him again. She bit down on her lip hard so the pain would stop the thoughts of his kisses and waited for him to announce his presence.

She finally heard him sigh after several minutes of her pretending to work with her supplies. "Hange, I need to talk to you."

She slowly turned, plastering a fake smile on her face. "Levi, what a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?"

"Drop the act," he growled at her. "I need to have a serious discussion with you."

"Should I be worried?" she asked with a frown, the act dissolving under his heavy gaze.

"I don't know, do you think you should be?" He sighed as he sat down at her workstation, staring despondently at the diagrams of Titans displayed to her wall.

"You're the one who wants to talk," she reminded him.

He glanced at her and she felt unpleasant fluttering in her stomach. That look was all she needed. He was disgusted by her and was going to tell her to stay away from him. Or maybe he was here to tell her about the brothel he had found to satisfy him when she has pushed him away only hours ago.

"Hange," his voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she saw that he was drumming his fingers against the tabletop. "You're over analyzing the situation again."

"Sorry, that's how my brain works," she ducked her head, ready for his scolding words.

"Maybe you should learn how to clear your mind and listen," he suggested dryly.

She shrugged. "That's easier said than done."

He sighed and looked back at her diagrams, an unhappy look on his face. "Hange, this is not an easy thing for me to admit, especially like this, but I think we've been through enough together that you deserve to hear this from me."

"You're an alien?" she prompted when he fell into a long, brooding silence.

"No." The one word was said sharp enough that she clamped her jaw shut and waited for him to be ready to tell her whatever it was he had journeyed down to her lab at sunrise to say. "I'm not interested," he started but stopped and sighed deeply.

"I know," she cut him off. "I'm disgusting and barely even a woman, I mean my body never developed into that girly look it was supposed to, my hips look like a man's and even my butt would be better suited for a guy. My breasts only exist when I wear padding and even my menses only comes about once a year just to remind me it still exists."

He blinked at her then shook his head. "I don't care about any of that. Yes, you do look mannish but that doesn't mean you aren't a woman. But that's not what I came here to say. Hange, I'm not interested in you not because you are mannish, but because I'm not interested in women." He deflated at that and all she could do was stare.

"You're gay," she finally managed to get out.

He looked her in the eyes and nodded. "Yes."

"You're gay," she said again.

"Yes."

"Gay," she repeated, turning the word over and over in her head. "Gay."

"Yes Hange, now stop saying it like that," he growled, glancing at the door.

"I should have known. You always dress impeccably, you clean like a housewife, you brood over your charges like a mother hen, oh my god, you're gay," she squeaked. "It makes so much sense now! Why you're never interested in the females fawning over you, why you seem to spend extra time helping any male recruit, why you stare openly at Erwin's ass every time he walks by. Oh my god all the signs were there. Why didn't I see them?"

Levi looked severely uncomfortable by her outburst but she didn't stop. "...And you spend an hour in the bathroom ever morning and your hair is always perfect and you wear that stupid scarf thing. I should have known!" A new thought hit her and she turned slowly to look at him. "But you kissed me," she said softly, turning to him with a frown. "What was that about? Could you tell I had a crush on you and you were taking advantage of me?" Her voice raised several octaves and he looked even more uncomfortable. "Why?!"

He pressed his lips together. "Because."

"Because is not an answer," she shouted. "Because I look like a guy you were trying to convince yourself that I am a guy and you could be with me? Because I don't think it's very funny! I may look like a guy but I'm still a woman! I have womanly urges and feelings and I bleed from my genitalia! I want to see a guy deal with his private parts bleeding out once a month!"

"Hange, stop being so hysterical and let me explain!" he yelled. She paused in her tirade and looked at him. He looked slightly green and her damn scientific brain that betrayed her anger at him to wonder if he was okay.

"Yes, I am gay, and yes, we have kissed," he said in the silence caused by her momentary shock. "And no, I didn't kiss you to take advantage of you. When you survive something as horrific as what we survived sometimes you grow attached even though I don't know why I'm attached to sloppy mess like you, but it happened. I couldn't stop myself. Even though I am gay I have feelings for you, too. This is something that is deeply confusing for me. I have known my sexual preference since I was ten years old and yet here you are, a woman, and my heart and my stupid brain are telling me that we have to possibility of being together. Do you know how hard and confusing this all is to me? What would you do if you suddenly fell in love with a woman? How would you handle it? Would you claim it was a mistake and run the other way? Or would you try and explain yourself to her even though your answers probably will fall on deaf ears?"

"I'm listening to you. And I'm not going to let you run the other way," she whispered. "I still don't know what the hell is going on and I don't know why this is happening, but I do know that this is not a situation that can be fixed by either of us. It's awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know what to say to you anymore."

"It's just as uncomfortable for me as it is for you," he said softly, rubbing his face. "I didn't ask to suddenly be confused about something I had been so sure of since I was little. And I don't want to hurt you either but I have. This whole situation is fucked up and I don't see any way that it can be resolved easily. And goddammit I was ready to have sex with you last night. Even though you are a woman."

Hange looked away, playing with the collar of her shirt, not sure of anything anymore. It was as if he had just told her grass was blue and sky green. That Titan really didn't want to eat people but be their friends. That even though he was gay he still had sexual urges directed at her. She turned back to him, her lower lip trembling. "What if I wanted you to take advantage of me?"

He bit his lip. "I refuse to hurt you that way. I may be seriously confused about my sexual orientation right now, but I would never take advantage of you. I should thank you for stopping me last night before I did something we both will regret for the rest of our lives. I promise to never act on my feelings and hurt you in such a way. It's not fair to you."

Hange covered her mouth with her hand, squeezing as hard as she could so she wouldn't scream. She wanted the ground to open up and sallow her whole so she wouldn't have to deal with the situation anymore.

"I think it would be best if I leave," Levi said softly, apologizing with his eyes.

She didn't watch him go. Her heart ached as she slid down her chair onto the floor. It wasn't supposed to be this way. But when in her life had anything ever happened the way she thought it should? She lay back on the floor, not caring that it hadn't been mopped in ages and was getting her dirty. She covered her eyes with the crook of her arm to block out the light, all the while wishing she could turn to dust and not have to deal with anything anymore.

.

"I need to talk to you," Hange said as she pushed her way past Erwin into his office, catching him as he was walking out with a large stack of papers.

Erwin studied her before stepping back inside the room and closed the door. "What is it that we need to talk about?"

Hange sat down on one of the two high-backed chairs Erwin kept for high-ranking guests as Erwin came over to his desk. "I want to transfer."

The words hung in the air between them. Erwin had been messing with the papers on his desk but he stopped at her words. He turned to her with sad eyes. "Why now?"

Hange pressed her lips together. What would Erwin say if he knew she was upset about being sexually frustrated by a gay man? It wasn't anything he needed to know though. "I can't deal with it anymore. We were sent out to make sure that more than a quarter of a million people died. We watched as all but a hundred of them did. Erwin, this is ridiculous. This isn't what the Scouts are for. We are supposed to be Humanity's Hope, not its executioners! How can I ever look a civilian in the eye again without wondering if they had a brother or a son and daughter, a husband or a lover that _I_ allowed to become food for a Titan? I want what is due to me. I was the top graduate of my class. I want to transfer to the Military Police."

Erwin sat down heavily. "Hange."

"No," she stopped him. "I'm not staying. You have your pet. Let him become your conscience. I'm sure Mike and Levi can make up half of me. Let them figure out this shit that we've been dealt. I don't want to anymore."

"What is it about Levi that bothers you so, Hange?" Erwin had pulled out a piece of paper out of his desk and was writing on it, oblivious to the fact he had rooted out the extent of her problems with one question. He glanced up to see her expression frozen in place as she tried to come up with a lie that would satisfy him. "He told you."

That pulled Hange out of her daze and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Told me what? That he likes dicks? Yeah, so what? So do Nile and Mike, and me," her eyes narrowed, "And you, at least half the time."

Erwin's eyes narrowed slightly. If she hadn't known him for as long as she had she wouldn't have noticed. Then it hit her. Her head rolled back against her chair. "How long?"

"I do not believe that is any of your business," Erwin replied simply as he finished writing on his paper and slid it across the desk to her.

"It explains why you always want Levi by your side, why he has "special" meetings with you all the time. Is that what it takes to be in the high ranks of the military? Maybe I should find myself a lady friend and get it over with, join the ranks."

"Do not joke about such a thing. It is not something that can be turned on and off at will," Erwin's voice had taken on a chilly tone she had only heard once before when he was threatening Dallis Zacklay when the man had ordered the Scouts out on the mission they had just returned from. Hange frowned at him before rising from her chair and walking around the desk so she could touch his face and pull his mask away.

"Erwin," she said softly, touching his face. The rough stubble on his cheek bit into her fingers but she ignored it to turn his face toward her. "Do you remember when I first joined the Scouting Legion? How wide eyed and desperate I was? How you helped save me? You need to stop that. You need to save yourself. Humanity will not benefit from anything if you die, driving yourself to your grave by working yourself to death."

Erwin's hands covered hers. "Hange, we've known each other for a long time. But you need to stop."

She snapped back at those words. "Do you know what it's like to be in love with someone who will never love you back?"

"Yes," a muscle in Erwin's cheek twitched.

Hange deflated as she wrapped her arms around his neck and sank down onto his lap. "We're all sorts of messed up, aren't we?"

"Hange," he said warningly.

"When was the last time you were with a woman?"

"Do you want me to dump you on the floor?"

"I think Levi is rubbing off on you," she giggled, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Maybe," he sighed. "Do you still want to transfer? You have to deal with Nile if you do."

"I need to think about this. What we saw was horrible, Erwin. What we did…to innocent civilians. I don't know if I can be involved in the Scouting Legion if this is going to keep happening."

"I understand," Erwin said. "Just know that you will always have a place here."

"What if I said I want to sleep with your boyfriend 'cause he's smokin' hot?"

"Get out," Erwin pushed her away and she laughed. She leaned back against him and kissed his cheek.

"I need to think about this, Erwin. I'll let you know my decision later."

Erwin nodded as she stood up. "You will always have a family here."

"I know, Erwin."

.

Hange dropped down next to Levi on the training fields where he was oiling his gear.

"You look like a cat that has finally cornered a mouse," he muttered as he worked oil into his thigh harness.

"Maybe I have," Hange cocked her head to the side as she studied him.

"Are you going to do strange experiments and toy with the mouse or are you going to just kill it for fun?"

"Why can't I do both?"

Levi set down the harness before turning to look at her. "Are we going to continue playing games like this for the rest of our lives now?"

"Who said we were talking about us? I thought we were talking about cats and mice," Hange tilted her head so she was looking up at the sky while still watching him. A heavy silence settled between them and finally she whispered the words she had come to say. "I'm leaving."

His long fingers were slowly testing the leather harness' give but it dropped into his lap at her words. "Now?"

"Maybe," she shrugged.

He blinked several times before he finally turned to look at her. "Is it because of me?"

"Don't be so self-centered," Hange made a face at him. "Not everything is about you."

"But I am a major reason you have come to this decision now, not earlier." He said the words as if they were a fact whereas Hange wasn't so sure.

"I can't be part of the Scouts if all we are used for is the destruction of civilian lives," Hange kept her voice low and her tone even so those around them wouldn't think their conversation or its topic was of any consequence. They could be talking about the weather. She knew there were spies in the Scouts that reported back to Zacklay everything the superior officers said and she did not want to be the source of the leak.

Another long silence stretched out between them. Levi went back to working on his harness and Hange stretched out and tucked her hands behind her head so she could observe the clouds.

"I did it for your vine, you know." His words, after almost ten minutes of silence, startled her and she rolled to her side so she could look at him.

"What are you talking about?"

"That first time. I did it for the vine, so I could forget the horrors I had seen. But the second time it wasn't because of the vine, it was because I saw something in you that I once saw in myself. Something dark and hidden, longing to be free."

"That sounded almost poetic," Hange muttered. "But seriously, what are you talking about?"

"The kissing. I kissed you the first time because you were drunk and you wanted a kiss for the vine bottle. I was willing to put aside my dignity for alcohol at that moment in time. But the second time, after months of watching each other's backs…the second time was a selfish wish to feel alive again."

Hange rolled onto her back again. She didn't particularly remember the first kiss; she had been too drunk at the time to even tell her right foot from the left. The second kiss however…she wanted to forget. "No self-respecting man would admit he made out with a woman just so he could get the rest of her vine."

"It's a good thing I'm not self-respecting then, isn't it?"

"What are you then?"

"Uncertain."

"I'm in love with you, you know," she whispered to the clouds.

"It's a phase you can grow out of, I'm sure."

"What if that doesn't happen?" He was silent again and Hange sighed. "Would you miss me if I left?"

"Yes," he answered honestly.

"Do you think it would be a good idea, me leaving?"

"Honestly? No. Stay for one more mission and if you still can't handle it, then leave," he said after another long pause.

She turned her head so she could look at him, contemplating his words. "I can't promise anything," she sighed.

His eyebrows slanted together into a frown. "Not even for humanity's sake?"

" I really could care less about humanity," she shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.

"Liar," he said with a glare. "If that was true then you would not be in the military, risking your life in the Scouting Legion, the branch with the highest causality rate of the three."

"Do you think that we will be sent out on more missions?" Hange questioned as she finally pulled herself up into a sitting position. "We just returned from the worst mission ever conceived. I don't think that there is much use left for the Scouting Legion."

"You'd be surprised," Levi said softly as he set the harness aside. "They're sending us out again next week."

"What, all seven of us?" she said sharply.

"What is the point of the Scouting Legion if we don't Scout out a route for humanity to take as we leave the walls?" he asked sarcastically.

"They really are sending us out, aren't they?"

"They're transferring one hundred Garrison members to help with the personnel issue. They'll be here tomorrow."

"I would ask how you're privy to this information but I know how. You probably talk about it in bed," she said snidely.

"Don't be so churlish. You never had a chance to begin with. I have known I was gay since I was ten years old. I told you that, remember?"

"And you were drunk the two times you came onto me," she finished for him with a roll of her eyes. "I've heard you swear you are gay up one side of Wall Sina and down the other. That doesn't mean I can turn off my attraction to you. It's as impossible as making you straight."

"We'll just have to get used to it, this strange relationship we have. We'll figure it out."

"I doubt it," she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "I better go help figure out the dorm situation if we are getting transfers."

"Think about what I said," he said, pleading with his eyes.

"One more mission," she said stiffly as she stood. "Just to help all the newbies figure out what it means to be a Scout."

He nodded slowly, watching her slight form retreat. "That's all I ask."

.

Hange stood on the edge of the clearing, her hand raised to her forehead in a mock salute to keep the sun out of her eyes. The newly reformed Scouting Legion had been out for exactly twenty-four hours and she had yet to see a Titan. The left flank had seen one about ten hours before but it hadn't seemed too interested in giving chase after running after them for a couple of minutes. Mike had joked that it must be going through its rebellious teenage years to not want to give chase to a fresh meal of human flesh. Hange had a bad feeling about the Titan though. It truly was a deviant and deviants were unpredictable.

"Hange," Mike's voice called sharply from her left and she turned to glance at him hurrying toward her. "Right flank reports three deviants. I'm guessing that they've been wiped out by now."

Hange made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat before she stuffed the leaves she had been studying into her pocket and swung up onto her horse, Roheryn. Mike followed her as they went to investigate the state of the right flank. It was a completely open area and Hange swore under her breath when she saw that there were five Titans still eating the poor Garrison personnel.

"Mike, take left," she yelled, pulling her swords free as she urged Roheryn to go faster. Fighting Titans on flat land with only a horse as a springboard was the most dangerous type of fighting but she had no choice. As she approached the Titans she carefully stood on the horse's back and flicked her wrist to the left.

The grappling hook fired true and she held her breath as she was suddenly propelled straight at the Titan's nose. The Titan's eyes followed her progress and she shot her second hook just in time to not be caught by the giant hand flying towards her. Her second line wasn't as secure as she wanted but she had no choice but to trust that it would hold long enough for her to reach the Titan's nape. She knew the hook was going to release a second before it did. She gritted her teeth and fired her right hook into the Titan's armpit.

By now she was too low to get to the nape and the Titan had caught on to how her movements worked. With a growl she forced her body to change direction and landed just above the Titan's hipbone. She quickly shot her left hook straight into the back of its head and gained enough momentum to reach the nape. "Ahhhh," she cried as she sliced into the nape and the Titan started falling.

She swallowed hard and prayed that she would be able to hook one of the other Titans as she lost her footing. Her grappling hook shot straight into another Titan's arm. "Shit!" she yelled knowing that this was the worst possible thing that could happen.

If the Titan managed to move its arm she would be flung like a ragdoll against its body and her body would be crushed. But she wasn't going to let herself die. She had been to Hell and back and she was not going to die. She shot her second line into its skull and released a large burst of gas just as the Titan's arm moved to grab her. Her swords struck true and she spun around to see that Mike was finishing off his third Titan and the last one.

She let out her breath and jumped, landing heavily on the ground. She raised her fingers to her lips to call Roheryn only to discover blood covering her hands. "Shit," she muttered as she quickly found the source of the blood. She must have cut herself in the heat of battle as she was spinning away from the first Titan as blood rushed from a cut on her right arm.

"Hange," Mike called as he galloped over to her. "You okay?"

"Nicked myself," she called back as she tore off a piece from the bottom of her shirt and wrapped it around the wound.

"We need to get back to the center. I left Erwin with only Levi and ten Garrison soldiers defending him."

"Levi can handle anything you throw at him," she muttered as she tied the bandage tight enough to be painful. "If it is of the Titan variety, that is."

"Hange, now isn't the time," Mike bellowed back at her as he raced away.

"Like shit it isn't the time," she muttered as her horse wandered over to her. She swung up into the saddle and was soon galloping after Mike. "What the hell, Mike?"

Mike didn't look at her. "We all can see it, Hange."

Hange hissed at his statement. Clearly Mike knew her well enough to know about her unfortunate crush. "It's not going anywhere, Mike."

Mike didn't respond. Hange hissed again in frustration. They covered the miles between them and the center of the formation quickly. Hange felt no need to speak to Mike again because she knew she would spill the whole story to him. He had that sort of effect on people.

They arrived at the entrance to the forest of tall trees where they had left Erwin and Levi to find it devoid of human life.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Hange murmured as she glanced around the area. There were no signs of struggle and she was grateful for that, Levi and Erwin had left of their own accord and not because they had been ambushed.

"Look," Mike suddenly said sharply. Hange followed his outstretched arm and saw a paper tacked to a tree. Since she was closer she rode over and grasped the paper best she could from horseback, the angle slightly awkward for her.

"Levi must've put it there," she said with a disgruntled tone. Ever since she had agreed to go on this mission she had noticed small things about Levi that irritated the hell out of her, his short stature being one of the highest sources of her indignation. She quickly opened the note and skimmed it before looking up at Mike. "They've gone into the forest."

Mike tsked as he reared his horse around and darted into the forest. Hange remained still as she looked back over the note. It wasn't written in either Erwin or Levi's hand. In fact she remembered the handwriting belonged to a Garrison member who had been quite vocal about his hatred of the Scouting Legion as he signed his transfer paperwork. He had been so bold to say that he hoped everyone died on the mission and the Scouting Legion died once and for all. That man had been assigned to the right flank she was sure since it was always the weakest side and Erwin had overheard the man's comments. Only, the more that she thought about it the man had veered off with the middle flank and had followed Levi when Erwin had split the groups.

"Mike!" Hange yelled as she tore into the forest, going as fast as she dared. "Be careful! I think it might be a trap!"

The forest was eerily quiet, not even a bird chirping could be heard. Hange slowed down and tried to make sense of the tracks she saw branching off in five different directions. One set of hoof prints looked like the horse had been unencumbered by a rider and she followed that path, knowing that this was Levi's trail. Not for the first time since the mission started did she wish that Moblit was along but she had left him in Trost with a broken leg and a concussion. He wouldn't be joining the Scouting Legion beyond the walls for a better part of a year now.

She made her way down the trail slowly, mindful of the wrongness of the forest. It felt as if it had sucked in its breath in anticipation of something bad happening and was holding it in until the event happened. Hange found it odd that she hadn't encountered any Titans other than the ones chewing on the right flank. Titans rarely spent much time in forests, preferring the light if the sun to shine down on them.

"Erwin, Levi?" She called out cautiously. The train suddenly joined up ahead with heavier hoof prints and she knew she was on the right trail. She spurred her horse and cantered down the path.

"Hange," Mike's voice called from somewhere. "Erwin. Levi."

Hange glanced the direction she thought the voice had come from but continued down the trail. Just then she came to a fork in the path and both sets of prints disappeared. Hange pulled her horse up short causing her to whine in protest. "Easy girl," Hange rubbed Roheryn's neck as she slid off her back to study the trail. It didn't appear as if the prints had backtracked causing the uneasy feeling him her stomach to grow. She quickly walked around the tree and then she saw it: a singular footprint too big to be anything but a Titan's. Footprints like that were only formed when a Titan dug down to for better balance as they picked something up.

"Erwin! Levi!" She screamed but her voice echoing back at her was the only sound she heard. "Shit!"

"Roheryn!" Hange cried as she swung back up onto her horse's back. "Find Mike!" The horse whinnied before dashing away. The odds of a person's survival diminished each hour they were outside the Walls and they had already been out there two days. She ground her teeth together and urged Roheryn to go faster. Never mind the fact everyone started out with a fifty-fifty chance of survival, her rebellious and morbid brain reminded her tauntingly. They had already reached the point where statistically no one would return from this mission alive.

Roheryn burst into a clearing and a bone chilling sight awaited them. Hange felt queasy as she saw the broken bodies of the rest of the Garrison soldiers sent out with the ten remaining Scouts. Several horses milled around and she whistled to them to follow her; there was no point to leaving them out here when she could potentially cut some of the losses dealt to the Scouts by bringing them back to the Walls. Several smoking Titan corpses lay in the clearing telling her that it had been a large group of Titans that attacked. They had to be deviants then since Titans almost never traveled together or congregated together if there were not humans around.

She was still assessing the situation when she saw the first Titan stumbling around. She held her breath and it continued on its way. She nudged Roheryn to go around the Titan's path and continued as quietly as she could. She could see confusing trails of hoof prints and she tried to decipher them the best she could while being ever mindful of the Titan still wandering around. She continued down the path at a canter until five minutes later she could hear the clashing and clanging of a battle.

"Roheryn!" Hange exclaimed, forcing her into a full gallop among the trees. She broke into a meadow a minute later and was greeted with a desperate battle.

Levi and Erwin were both on foot, their horses trampled to death by the Titans currently trying to kill them. Erwin was standing in a tree, his clutching his right arm that looked to be dislocated. Mike and who appeared to be Nanaba were trying to distract the Titans away from the injured Erwin and stranded Levi. Hange wondered why Levi didn't just use his gear but as she got closer she saw that it was damaged. Levi was literally a sitting duck, ripe for being smashed to death. She pulled Roheryn up short and slid off her back, motioning to the other horses to stay as well. She knew that Roheryn would look after them, Roheryn, smartest and best of horses.

She used her 3DMG to get into the tree line and quickly made her way to Erwin.

"Erwin," she said softly. He turned to look at her, his eyes clouded with regret and defeat. "We're all that's left."

Erwin shoulders slumped at that pronouncement. "Gelger and Heinrich are still out there somewhere. But the rest of the squads are gone," he mumbled. "They shouldn't have sent us out. The Titans are still excited from the major campaign we just returned from."

"Erwin," she coxed, trying to snap him out of his daze. "What's wrong with Levi's gear?"

"Titan got him. He managed to slice free but something got smashed in the Titans grip."

"Then why the hell are you letting him run around on the ground like bait?"

"It was his idea," Erwin murmured. "He wants to go out in a blaze of glory."

Hange frowned and bit her lower lip. "Are you giving up, Erwin? 'Cause we still have fight in us!" She grabbed his injured shoulder and in one swift move shifted it back into place. Erwin, being the controlled person he was, let out only a small hiss as she relocated his shoulder. He stood panting for a moment, clutching his injury before he finally turned to look at her.

"Let's kill these bastards," he said with the devilish light he only got in his eyes when he was willing to throw everything away.

"We better make sure we stay alive," she muttered as he used his gear to fly away. "You're still injured, Erwin!" She called but he didn't seem to notice as he went to work on a Titan. Mike and Nanaba finally abandoned their horses and Roheryn whinnied, calling them to safety. Hange grinned at her horse's clear understanding that everyone was in danger, pleased the horse she had raised from birth was just as smart as her, before she too entered the battle.

Erwin had concentrated his efforts close to the prone Levi while Mike and Nanaba were flying around the parameter, trying to chase the Titans closer to the trees where maneuvering would be easier. Hange swung down on a Titan and sliced out the nape of its neck and in the seconds before it fell she studied the battle from the Titan's perspective. She shot her grappling hook into another Titan and worked at slicing it apart. After she had felled three Titans she retreated again to get a better count of them. She had killed three but there were still about twenty in the clearing.

Finally Gelger and Heinrich joined the battle and she allowed herself to swing back to where Erwin and Levi were, knowing that the two of them in their current states would need help eventually. Erwin, despite rarely joining in battles, seemed to be holding his own, but Levi on the ground was having more trouble staying out of the way of swinging hands and flying feet. The dance he was doing was almost comical if it wasn't so deadly. Hange repressed the laugh she wanted to let escape and instead she jumped back into the fray and sliced down the Titan who was desperately trying to step on Levi.

She thought about grabbing him under the armpits and pulling him into the relative safety of the trees but he would be mad that he could no longer slice off fingers and toes from the trees. Besides he seemed to be holding his own on the ground in a way only he could. She had heard whispers calling him Humanity's Strongest and she had to agree; she had never seen another person so well suited to killing Titans.

Somehow the seven of them managed to kill all but five of the Titans before a Deviant suddenly appeared out of the forest and rushed straight at Levi. Her heart leapt into her throat at the thought of losing him and she looked around wildly to see if anyone else was close enough to help him.

Mike and Nanaba were at the other edge of the meadow and Gelger and Heinrich were trying to haul Erwin into a tree, his injured shoulder finally giving out on him. She was the closest to Levi and she knew that he would never be able to take down the Titan from the ground. She hissed and changed direction mid swing, disorienting herself. She hated that sense of vertigo but she gritted her teeth and continued in the downward arc. She needed to save him. There was no choice. She would save him or die trying.

She managed to slice off the Titan's hand just as it came down to squash Levi. He glared at her as she swung up into the tree behind him and shot her grappling hook into the Titan's nape. With her line secure she flew toward it but she never expected it to raise its stump and swat her away. The force of the impact with the limb knocked all the air out of her lungs and disoriented her enough that she couldn't react fast enough to stop herself from slamming into the tree trunk.

She hit with such force her limbs were flung out like a rag dolls and she crumbled in on herself before she hit the ground. Everything was on fire. In the instant before she slumped into unconsciousness she saw that her distraction was enough for Levi to make a flying leap up the Titan's spine and claw his way up to slice away its nape. She wanted to grin at how ridiculous the situation was but her head felt like it was exploding and she knew no more.

.

"Hange," the voice seemed to come from far away and she tried to ignore it. It hurt too much. She tried to turn away but a splitting pain engulfed her and she gasped, her eyes opening into blinding light.

"Are you awake?" His voice washed over her like a healing balm and she forced her eyes to stay open.

"Levi, I'm alive?" This fact was truly confusing for her since she honestly believed that she was dead when the Titan had grabbed her. The darkness _had_ consumed her and all thoughts and feelings had slipped away.

"You're alive, Shitty-glasses," he said softly. She could feel a slight pressure on her hand and she realized that he had gripped her hand and was squeezing it.

"Let me die, worry no more," her words came out jumbled but he squeezed her hand again and said, "I couldn't let you die, Shitty-glasses."

"No more me means no more awkward for you," she mumbled, her thoughts escaping as jumbled words. She tried to force her body to sit up but every muscle and bone protested to the point all she could do was gasp. She had been flung against a tree before and broke her arm and her leg on the left side as well as several ribs before but even then it hadn't hurt this much.

"Don't move. We're not sure if you have a spinal injury or not yet. We weren't able to immobilize you very well either so I've been riding in the cart to make sure you don't move too much. You gave me a real scare, Hange. We all thought you were dead. _I_ thought you were dead." He looked down into her eyes and she almost smiled at how ridiculous this was. It was probably the first and last time he would ever look down into her eyes.

"If I died you wouldn't have me crushing on you anymore," Hange said softly.

"As awkward and uncomfortable as your crush is I would rather deal with it than your death and the guilt of wondering if I did everything I could to save you. You are my best friend, Hange. I know I act aloft and mighty most the time, but I value you and your consistency at my side. I probably will never be able to give you the love confession that you want, but I can promise to stand by your side until my dying breath and support you. I hope that you can do the same."

It wasn't the love confession she had been dreaming about but she knew that it was as good as she was going to get. Hange let out the breath she had been holding partially to stop herself from interrupting him and partially to see how long she could hold it to see of a rib had punctured either of her lungs. She felt small and defeated in the cart, something she hated, but Levi was right. She shouldn't move around too much until a doctor assessed the extent of her injuries.

"How did we survive?" she questioned finally, remembering the dire straits they had been in.

"I took your gear and killed the rest of them," Levi mumbled as he stared straight ahead. "Five Titans in a minute. Probably a new kill record."

She let her eyes flutter closed at that and the silence surround her once more. She tried to empty her mind but she caught herself over analyzing the situation several times. Instead she focused on the sounds of the wheels against the dirt and the horses' hooves. Finally the sounds lulled her back to sleep and she dropped off but she was still uneasy even in sleep.

Later she woke when she felt a sharp pain in her side. Gelger and Mike were carrying her into the infirmary where she saw an anxious doctor motioning to a bed. They set her down gently and moved away so the doctor could examine her. She felt a flash of annoyance at them for abandoning her with the doctor but then she felt someone squeeze her hand and she knew that Levi hadn't deserted her.

"Please leave," the doctor said sharply when he saw Levi.

"No. Stay," Hange croaked, trying to squeeze his hand but her fingers didn't seem to be able cooperate. The doctor pressed his lips together but didn't say anything. He motioned over a nurse and suddenly Hange was in the most pain she had ever been in, every pore on her body screaming out in agony. Levi took a step back to allow the medics to work but he remained in her field of vision and she was grateful that he was there even if she couldn't say so as she swallowed the screams of pain flowing through her. Finally her brain had the grace to allow her to black out and she knew no more.

.

It was the sunlight that finally pulled her back to consciousness. Despite not wanting to she opened her eyes and quickly closed them again against the brightness. Now that a doctor had assessed her wounds she took inventory of them, noting her left arm was in a cast and her left leg was tied to a brace. She let out a small moan as she tried to make her limbs work and decided that she wouldn't be leaving the bed for a long while.

She began her assessment of her right side only to find that her right arm was immobilized, too. She didn't remember injuring that side and turned to head, her eyes focusing just enough to make out a head of dark hair resting next to her hand which was intertwined with his.

She let out a whimper at this discovery and he must have heard her. His head shot up and he squeezed her hand. "What hurts?"

"You," she croaked. "Dumbass." She thrashed her head lightly, trying to find a comfy spot on the pillow but she didn't find one.

"I'm a dumbass? I'm not the one who got smashed against a tree. We survived six months out there without serious injury, but first mission after we come back and you come back all broken. I think you're being too melodramatic for your own good."

"I'm melodramatic?" She questioned as she raised her right hand and pulled his left along. "Why are you holding my hand?"

"Because I don't want to lose you, Shitty-Glasses."

She pressed her lips together at that. "Get over here," she murmured, tugging on his hand. He climbed into the bed without protest, before twining their hands again. "So we go on with our purely platonic relationship until one of us gets eaten?"

"Maybe we shouldn't give a label to what we are. I'm Levi, you're Hange. It's that simple."

"I'm Hange who's in love with Levi who's screwing Erwin. It's not that simple," she replied matter-of-factly.

"It could be that simple, Idiot, but you keep bringing my sexual orientation and your infatuation up!" he grumbled.

"I had sex with Erwin once," Hange said into stunned silence. "Did he tell you that? Back in our trainee days. It was weird and uncomfortable and I don't think we did it right. It was mostly dry humping and fingers not knowing what to do. That was the only time I've done anything like that and it wasn't even a real experience. But we've managed to work together ever since. Neither one of us has mentioned it ever again," she turned to look at him. "And I think we can do the same. Never mention it again. That's what we need, right? A clean slate. I'm Hange and you're my best friend Levi. We don't have to be anything else."

Levi frowned at her. "We never will be anything else, woman."

"We could have a threesome," Hange laughed as she closed her eyes.

"No," Levi's voice was sharp and Hange had to laugh again.

"Okay, no threesomes. Just you and me being best friends," she whispered. "I'm tired, Levi."

"Then go to sleep, Shitty-glasses."

"Can you really call me that when I'm not wearing them?" Hange laughed again and squeezed his hand.

"If I don't call you that you know that I'm being serious and you should _actually_ listen to me," he grumbled.

"I always listen," she sighed.

"Whatever," Levi muttered.

"I love you," she said softly.

There was a long pause before he finally whispered in reply, "I love you too, Hange."


End file.
